Still in Shock

Monday, all day, I wasn't feeling very well, so I decided that night that I was going to just relax all day Tuesday, including sleeping in.
I was also in a lot of pain. I've got something really wrong with my back, though I'm not sure why. Anyway, I was going to go off of caffiene, to see if it might help ease the pain. (Coffee is an obsession, not just my group name, haha)
Anyway, 7:30 the next morning, I got a phone call from my mom. At first, in my drowsy state, I pressed the "ignore" button, as I'd do with any call when I'm attempting to sleep, then thought again, and remembered my mother doesn't call unless it's important. She'd text if it wasn't. So, I quickly called her back.
She answered after it rang once. I could tell she'd either been or still was crying. "Papaw is dead." I sat there for what seemed like hours, but really it was a couple of seconds, if even that. "What?" "He passed away last night, or rather early this morning in his sleep." More was said after that, but right now I can't remember what.
Needless to say, I got up, made a pot of coffee, drank the whole pot, then made another. I called my husband, who wanted to come right home from work to be with me, but I stood firm and convinced him to stay. I needed to be alone. Then texted my mother in law and sister in law to let them know.
I sat in silence most of the day Tuesday, trying to wrap my head around it, after the texts. I went for a walk down the road, my dog barking behind me, trying to get my attention, and failing.
Today, I spent most of the morning, talking with friends, trying to keep from crying. For a while, it worked like a charm. But then, I started getting down again. I still can't believe he's gone.
His funeral is tomorrow. I'm going although I really don't want to. Going confirms in my mind that he's dead...and that's going to be hard.